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Chris Magyar

Sarah Palin's California


I'm on a crazy map kick, so when I saw this rearrangement of the world such that biggest populations got the biggest countries, I couldn't resist creating a similar chaotic migration of territories for these United States. Behold, if states were reassigned based on population rank.


Some notes:

  • Texas does not move, naturally. Any plan that asks Texas to be anywhere but Texas is doomed to failure.
  • California goes to the only place with even more coastline, and gets a chance to truly enjoy being a semi-independent country.
  • Rhode Island finally gets to live up to its name.
  • If Delaware and Vermont really swapped places, would anyone notice?
  • Maryland disappears into a void of fiction.
  • Connecticut wins the biggest "environment and culture shock" prize.
  • Washington D.C. is half in sinful Nevada and half in notably non-white Hawaii. Perfect.
  • Oklahoma reverses the Trail of Tears 175 years too late.
  • Colorado easily gets the biggest terrain change, from elevated and dry to flat and underwater.
  • Check it out, we could put Cincinnati where Omaha is and it would be basically in the same place. Fellow border town Kansas City, on the other hand, would have a tough choice to make. 

Speaking of cities, I also plopped the 10 biggest cities where the 10 most expansive city boundaries are. (For this exercise, I ignored city-county hybrids, because otherwise all the big cities would be in Alaska, I mean California, which, okay, would make sense.) Yes, it's stupid, because obviously if you plunk New York City in Oklahoma, New York State would no longer deserve the California Republic. But pretend the city thing is an overlay in an alternate map where only cities are moved.

It was a stupid test until I saw where Phoenix wound up, and my entire day became sunshine. I also like how all our biggest cities would be in warm climates. Feels about right for an indolent nation.


Recommendations, for what they're worth.

Book: Touchy Subjects by Emma Donoghue (nice short story snack if you can't get Room at the library).

Movie: I Am Love starring Tilda Swinton (my review: confusing but fulfilling; V's review: I saw Tilda Swinton's pussy).

Song: "Loveliest Creature" by Savoir Adore

Twitter: @Modern_Drunkard, because if you like random spurts of intoxicated tweeting, Frank Rich is a professional's professional.

Limerick beginning: "An old lady farts in a bucket..."

Tomorrow's outfit: Serge and/or olive.

Wooden nickels: I'm against them.

TV Show: Community, a thousand times.

Magazine: Imbibe, despite the occasional spelling error.

Blog Besides This One: Information is Beautiful.

French Chick: Zaz.

Bedtime: 1:30 a.m.



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