Just took out all my frustration on Jesse. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 14, 2013
You better check yo self before you get accidentally left behind on a banquet hall chair all by yo self, coat. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 14, 2013
Does anybody use gas grades higher than 87? Are those for people who feel like they need to spend more money on gasoline? Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 15, 2013
The most popular baby names for boys so far in 2013: Adam, William, Ryan, Connor, and Dickmunch. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 15, 2013
What's that? I'm still crafting scorching burns on Alanis for an album that came out nearly two decades ago? I SUPPOSE I AM YOUR HERO NOW. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 16, 2013
Patrick Swayze was a glass-half-broken-on-your-head kinda guy. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 16, 2013
Gorillas did not endorse your organic cereal. You were raised by cereal mascots and now you are easily persuaded by animals. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 17, 2013
Guru: Have you eaten everything yet? Me: Huh? Guru: Come back when you've eaten everything. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 17, 2013
"There is no honor among thieves. Honor is always amidst thieves." -Fowlers Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 17, 2013
Hey, have you tried that new restaurant? I only ask because I need you to make a wee noise before I can tell you I did and describe my meal. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 17, 2013
"How's your kid?" Waits patiently for person's answer to end so real thing I wanted to talk about can be talked about. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 17, 2013
"He who smelt it, dealt it." -old Norse account of a poker tournament with homemade pig iron cards. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 18, 2013
You are not a walrus. And you, you are not the egg man. You boys get down from that stage right now and call your mothers. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 19, 2013
Milton Bradley kept the hippos in a small cage, withholding food for weeks before release, just to get to that second level of hunger. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 20, 2013
Blond white guy with a spray-on tan = cheese cracker. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 20, 2013
This celebrities agreeing to go to prom thing is getting creepy. Chaperone or half-plus-seven, please. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 20, 2013
I have no clue how big a bread basket is. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 01, 2013
Sometimes you just gotta grab death by the throat and shake it and squeeze and bang its head against a wall and blood and bone chips Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 01, 2013
I wonder if I can get a SXSW panel about the degamification of everything. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 01, 2013
Albania the Homely. God Pity Albania. The Star-Mangled Banner. I'm Resigned to Be an Albanian (Where At Least I Know I'm Not North Korean). Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 02, 2013
Fat man's jean shorts looking like thong longs. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 02, 2013
Huggies, they're called, and they wrap around baby crotches. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 02, 2013
Gall bladder. Aghast colon. Shrug intestine. Mope liver. Smirk sphincter. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 02, 2013
*punches me in the neck* OW MY BRACHIAL TUBE *punches me in the glasses* Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 02, 2013
Had a sex dream with Oprah then woke up and jotted a reminder note that just said "personal growth." Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 03, 2013
