Bus drivers control when the bus stops and also a little microphone. Bus companies are usually hiring. #AlternativesToOpenMics...
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The guy in the next stall is very weirded out by your talking, but he also really needs to finish that poop. #AlternativesToOpenMics...
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Some poisons take hours to kill. A well-placed suicide means everyone's there to hear your last words. #AlternativesToOpenMics...
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Everyone has an aunt or uncle they never call. That first phone call is bound to last at least five minutes. #AlternativesToOpenMics...
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You don't have to be Catholic to do into a confessional, and the priest has to listen to whatever you say. #AlternativesToOpenMics...
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To get rid of milkweed, make sure you pull it out with the roots still intact. Same goes for ear hair. Chris Magyar...
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I'm gonna be able to predict the future tomorrow. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 25, 2013
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I feel sorry for people who have to hear my answer to "how can you hate Bob Dylan?" Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar)...
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RT @briangaar: Robocop just going to town on a vacuum cleaner Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 25, 2013
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