I found a legitimate reason for reactionary idiots to exist, but they aren't doing their job!

Every day, all across the country, armed men and women in the employ of the federal government are groping our wives and children, fondling our testicles, and staring at naked pictures of us, all in a clear violation of the 4th Amendment. 

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

These unionized terrorists are operating under the auspices of a Big Brother with no probable cause to violate our bodies, our privacy, or our constitutional right to move about this great nation freely, all in the name of an invisible enemy within, all with the purported intent of "safeguarding" us from ourselves. Sounds like Communism.

Friends and neighbors, this "shadow government" does not even hide in the shadows. It operates in the place of our most cherished commerce -- our airports, where we once exercised the right to freely move about, no "papers" being asked for, no pre-emptive searches of our private parts, no vague threats of prosecution to make us feel cowed and foreign within our own borders.

Why are we silent on this? Worse yet, why are we letting this fight be waged by ninnies like the ACLU and the editorial pages of elitist publications? These are not people who know how to win a fight, friends, and you and I know it. When it's time to uncover injustice and stand up and fight for the sacred freedoms our forefathers guaranteed us, that's the job of reactionary hillbillies with properly licensed weapons and dispositions suspicious of government. So COME ON.

Where the fuck is Glenn Beck? Where the hell is Rush Limbaugh? What in cat-scratched Jeebus's name is Ted Nugent doing about this? Are we really going to allow the "Homeland Security" spooks place agents at every airport with the authority to grope for no apparent reason? Is this not the sort of hassling, tread-on-me activity that gets people so hot and bothered they must buy patriotic clothing and demand that politicians be impeached, tarred, and feathered?

In 1774, the British passed a series of acts that represented the last straw to the freedom-loving colonists of these United States. Dubbed the Intolerable Acts, they included the Quartering Act, which allowed the King's soldiers to commandeer any private bed they chose, violating the sanctity and security of the home hearths. Many of the Intolerable Acts were passed as a direct punishment for the Boston Tea Party.

So, motherfucking Tea Party, I challenge you to do something goddamn useful. Let's turn that incoherent sense of rage at something that's truly Intolerable, universally mocked, and patently unconstitutional. Let's start donning the tri-corners and hoisting the signs outside our airport terminals this fall and demanding that the federal government stop the useless security theater that mimics the worst trespasses of fascist regimes and fails, utterly fails, to protect us from any enemy, foreign or domestic. 

The runaway capricious authority of the Transportation "Safety" Administration is not just a joke anymore, and not just a bureaucratic sop to union labor. It's now become, next to the torture carried out during the current wars, the greatest threat to American Ideals since they were first set down by quilled pen. How is anybody standing for this disgusting and high-handed decree? But especially, how is a radically reactionary right wing movement completely ignoring the statist stormtroopers in our midst? I don't care if you think that every gloved and uniformed guard at the backscatter machine is diligently trying to rid our shores of jihadist whack jobs; turning government agents into perverts and pedophiles and the American people into sheep is not the way to fight what threatens this nation. When we fight, dammit, we fight with the rifles in our trucks and the gumption in our God-fearing souls. We aim to defeat evil with righteousness, and there is absolutely nothing righteous about a grown man letting another grown man brush up against his balls.

I don't care how many racist, homophobic, xenophobic, commiephobic, and liberalphobic buttons I have to push. I'm convinced that calling my Senator and quiet protests at the gate aren't enough. If we really want to roust the political pressure to repeal security theater at our airports and redirect all that manpower and energy to activities that will truly keep us safe, we must, MUST rouse the complacent fat-assed dittoheads who believe it's keeping them safe and show them, in plain daylight, that it's really the stinking enemy they've been looking for. Are you with me, Internet? Can we get Glenn Beck to paint the (frankly quite easy) picture of the TSA as a government conspiracy to rob us of our rights? Can we get Rush Limbaugh to decry Homeland Security as a wasteful government program that only exists to employ union labor and fatten pork riders? Can we get Sarah Palin to refuse to let her daughter Bristol fly home to Alaska after her stint on "Dancing with the Stars" because some [insert minority here, but subtly, just as a dog whistle] wanted to get a picture of her naked body on a scanner?

It seems like it should be easy, but why do I sadly feel like it would be so hard? If there's anything the right wing should be good for, this is it, right?

(Yes, that's a lot of links. But they are, each, in their own, very special. I'm just starting to froth up in anger and fear about what awaits me when I fly this Christmas. As I asked on Twitter yesterday, when the groping happens because I opt out of the naked X-ray, will it be considered impolite to jizz?)