Your 'its' it's you're there to too their two. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 25, 2013
Son, I'm only going to tell you this once, so listen up: **EPIC BURP** 20,000 points ++HIGH SCORE FOREVER++ Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 22, 2013
I got yer horse right here / his name is Paul Revere / there's a guy who says if the weather's clear / the British will murder your children Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 27, 2013
Happy Bad Tips For The Brunch Shift At Chili's Sunday! Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 31, 2013
Two-hundred fifty years ago, we had George Washington, Alexander Hamilton, and Benjamin Franklin. Now we only have debit cards. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 12, 2013
I will be the fan of any rapper who raps exclusively about poop. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 11, 2013
Never beat a dead horse in the mouth. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 11, 2013
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because the chicken thinks it's funny how the road sputters and turns red when it's angry. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 11, 2013
Keep on parodying the '90s, "Visualize Whirled Peas" guy. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 19, 2013
White smoke from my butt. A new poop is coming! Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 13, 2013
Batman kills the Joker. Batman kills the Penguin. Batman kills Mr. Freeze. Batman kills the Riddler. Batman kills Bane. Batman has closure. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 10, 2013
'Definition' has five definitions. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 22, 2013
A butt cannot be flimsy. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 19, 2013
Hipster haters: "If I keep making jokes, everyone will wear boring clothes again and the '90s will return!" Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 10, 2013
SPACEMAN: How do you eat? HUMAN: With our mouths, like this. *pops a Pringle* SPACEMAN: And this provides fuel? HUMAN: *munch munch* yeah Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 19, 2013
Everyone at the office is at SXSW and things are falling apart. I need someone to yell at. Please DM with wrong opinions about politics. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 14, 2013
Yoda doesn't have time for this gum flapping. "His line it is anyway," he says. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 04, 2013
"What is love? Baby don't hurt me." -Great Juxtapositions in Techno Music, Vol. 4. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 05, 2013
Coupons are stores' way of saying, "Oops, our stuff has been overpriced by *this* much." Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 05, 2013
We're all alone in this world. If you need me to prove it: you're reading this on Twitter. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 05, 2013
You can say ass but you can't say a**hole because one is a donkey and the other is a donkey that exploded. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 05, 2013
Second star to the right and straight on till morning. That's how far away I want you to get from me. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 05, 2013
Dads are life's way of making you hear the arguments made by the talk radio station you don't listen to. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 06, 2013
RT @JayUhOh: Did you know coriander is the same thing as cilantro? I got evicted again. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 06, 2013
Don't blame me, I voted for Rand McNally. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 07, 2013
