You can't munch thisYou can't munch thisYou can't munch thisYou can't munch this My, my, my, my zombie teeth are so hardMakes me say "Gnrrarararawwgleboggle. Ard."Thank you for blessing meWith a rotting chest and two fast feet It feels good, when you...
It's like my heaven calling. V and I spent an evening drinking and exploring our artistic sides. One of my favorite things about my wife -- and there are too many to explore in one post, one blog, one lifetime -- is that she has a creative spark that...
I'm in a creative rut, a funk, a runt, a fuck, and I can't seem to jimmy-jam my way out of it. (A jimmy-jam is like when you try to break into your car after you lock your keys inside, only with more Terry Lewis and Janet Jackson.) So with this post I'm...
I just remembered an incident from my childhood today that is having a serious effect on how I will parent my own kids. When I was nine or ten, I was riding my bike home from the park down the "main" street of my cozy suburban neighborhood. I may have...
Let's do something fun and comment-whorish! They say you can find anything on the internet. Without Googling, I'm going to come up with a long list of things that I think might be on the internet, maybe in multiple forms. Then you, the viewer, get to...
"You won’t burn in hell. But be nice anyway." That's how Ricky Gervais ended a now-famous essay in the Wall Street Journal explaining why he is an atheist, and what an essay it was. Clear-headed, cogent, and tinged with just enough humor without being...
Via my new favorite website, Big Think's Strange Maps, here's the United States as told by movies: I think this is a fantastic job. Obviously, states like California and Texas are a bit silly to boil into one movie, but the choices made there are creditable....
Mellifluine was an odd child. At ten years of life, her parents, Parson and Mrs. Spottiswode, despaired of her ever losing the sunken eyes and pumpkin-round cheeks that caused all the villagers to remark upon her resemblance to a porcelain doll, albeit...
"And furthermore," he exclaimed, his orotund voice carrying well beyond the six or seven lords and ladies clustered about him like tittering grapes, "I have yet to meet a woman who is not out of proportion." He paused for effect, dancing his gaze from...
There's a bad case of forgetting how to sleep going around in our new apartment. Sometimes it's me, hunched among the unpacked boxes, staring at a barely cobbled together laptop-monitor combo (iMac is in hospital), aggressively doing nothing about my...
I haven't formulated any thoughts completely yet, but lately I've been fretting about America's two cases of runaway inflation in the past few decades: healthcare and higher education. The first is already bankrupting the federal government, and a subject...
1 - My computer. Note the blank blog entry page. I put the chrome Texas on top of the Apple logo because it's funny. V put the #1 sticky note on the monitor because it's true. 2 - We are a magazine people, nomads who scour subscription cards for fresh...
The man acts like a mime suddenly released from his vow of silence in order to pursue his lifelong dream of being a professional wrestling announcer. All those pop culture references come across as Eminem-style anti-shoutouts, but the dude certainly knew...
This is the lamest, most nitpickiest thing to bitch about, but I need to put the old B.A. to use now and again and I really have been irked by common phrases of late. While dissecting cliché and idiomatic platitudes with literalist analysis is like shooting...
Mind: Whoa, what is this? Body: What? Mind: This. The scale. I didn't authorize this. Body: I thought we might go up for a while. Mind: Up? Body: Yeah, get a bit bigger. Just to see what that's like. Mind: Bigger? Really? I kind of had smaller in mind....
Francis Ford Coppolla's The Conversation was born, twin-like, at the same time that Watergate's narrative unfolded. In the film, a surveillance expert named Harry Caul (Gene Hackman) attempts to keep his sanity while also puzzling out the implications...
Click the photo for a gripping investigation by guernicamag.com Universities are become hotbeds of exploited labor, thanks to overworked graduate students and dubious internships. The Disney World internship scam, and higher education's gleeful and seemingly...
So NASA found some life made of arsenic, which is pretty cool, even if it comes from planet Earth and is therefore, by definition, not extraterrestrial. Why is NASA poking around in lakes anyway? Is this a campaign to lower our expectations for space...
The above question is what I'm supposed to be answering right now at work. It's been a while since I've worked somewhere with a functioning, on-site HR department, so I'd forgotten what a trip it is to have anonymous Word documents take a keen interest...
1. Shock and denial Holy crap we own way too much stuff. Let's burn half of it and give the other half to the Salvation Army. Our new apartment has such nice carpet that we don't need clothes or bedding anyway! Okay, maybe some sandals, and a towel for...
I'm on a crazy map kick, so when I saw this rearrangement of the world such that biggest populations got the biggest countries, I couldn't resist creating a similar chaotic migration of territories for these United States. Behold, if states were reassigned...
A month off, a tantalizing promise of boring posts about education and finance, and the first post back is about baseball? Such are the tortures of knowing me, sorry. Did you know you can block people's Facebook updates? You can block people's Facebook...
Sunday, V and I were having brunch with a new acquaintance of hers named Aishah, and her husband, Jim. They met at a networking event — both ladies are in the nascent stages of new careers that require contacts and clients — and were sharing an encounter...
I'm a gigantic map nerd. My dream house -- or, in deference to my wife, who has much better ideas for what to do with a dream house, my out-of-the-way dream room -- will someday be decorated with all sorts of mappery, from ancient to modern to meta. Thus,...
I think my days of attending concerts without chairs might be over. This isn't exactly a monumental shift. I was never a rabid concertgoer -- I tend to save my shekels for the bands I really love -- and I'm not a huge dancer (understatement) so the pleasure...
