This is a great opportunity for a motivated and talented person looking to crack the world of business wide open. The internship would require organizing and filing for a busy personal assistant. Must be familiar with the "Getting Things Done" (GTD) method...
I said a smart thing at work yesterday morning. What makes this remarkable, aside from the fact that saying smart things at work is not my job, is that I was hungover like a hooded corpse dangling from a gibbet on the city walls to warn intruders not...
Can you pet-sit my dog for the week, Diary? Those creepy Facebook ads that read my life and try to regurgitate spam that fits it have really taken a pessimistic turn. Four months ago, Facebook noticed I was getting married and pimped all sorts of rings...
Well, aside from recent distracting events, I'm temporarily divorced from home internet, as my beloved iMac has undergone massive monitor failure. It will be five business days until the new 27" monitor is shipped, then an undetermined number of business...
Age: 32 Height: 6'1" (last inch optional, depending on how well I slept) Eyes: Bloodshot, and also blue Hair: Usually poorly groomed Organ donor: yes Ancestry: unknown (which would give me gray eyes, if I were a D&D character) Likes: baseball, hardwood...
New year. Time to weed out some shit that isn't working. Here are bits I'll no longer attempt on stage. May they live a happy life in the dusty archives of this obscure blog. And if you want to steal them, go ahead. Just be forewarned they don't work....
We're still committed to squeezing a baby out without any medicine, but that doesn't cover herbs. Today's "GET IT OUT OF ME" visit to the midwife yielded a massive herbal regimen. I don't know if these are going to work, have a placebo effect, or just...
In rough order of bother: Date and time of baby's birth; Outside air temperature; Migratory decisions of cockroaches; Michele Bachmann; Lack of rain; Student loans; Movable Type's administration interface; High school students driving to school again...
What if a horror movie really scared you? Sounds like stoner philosophy, I know, but this thought really gripped me last night. I've never had a serious problem with being scared by horror movies; I love them because they are twisted, fantastic, and fun....
Sometimes, I think about all the people who graduated from Harvard over the past 10 years, and how they've all had automatic access to better jobs than me, and I get depressed, but in a way that usually ends in giggles. The other sad thing that keeps...
You know what? Dumb idea. V and I got extremely bored just scrolling around Google maps and reading off the list of cities we'd probably have to stop in. A generous estimate has the total trip time at four months, and at least two of those months would...
Wise But Lonely (m4mm) Educated scholar with a penchant for travel looking for two road trip buddies. I am new in town and need to explore some of the Mediterranean coast. Ideally, companion(s) will be interested in astronomy and rare perfumes. I'm not...
I'm back in Denver, in my childhood home. It's full now of relatives and visitors, though on the brink of being half empty. Many things have changed in three decades, but the neighborhood is not one of them. Some street signs have been spruced up; some...
We had the all-important gender determining ultrasound this morning, and the parts are shaped like girl parts. We got some truly beautiful fuzzy fetus pictures, but as they are mostly truly beautiful to mamma and papa and I never was able to glean much...
On our final walk together, she wandered into a flower bed and came back out with a used, soiled, discarded diaper in her mouth. She was actually carrying it by the icky part. The look of pride on her face was so obvious, I almost let her hunker down...
So, diary, what’s the maximum number of people that can fit into a coherent group? I ask because I’m starting to believe that the American democratic experiment is yielding a result: humans desire a fluid segregation. Given druthers and maximal opportunity,...
You’re right, Diary, this “Dear Diary” trope is already old. I’ve never been stoned, but I don’t think I’m missing much. I’ve been high on X, I’ve drunk myself into unsafe stupors, I’ve chain smoked until I coughed up ash, and I’ve stayed awake for multiple...
Chastity Bono is now a man and named Chaz. MC Hammer has his business headquarters in Denver. Doug E. Doug is 40. The Backstreet Boys are touring with the New Kids On The Block. According to the homepage site counter (is it possible for a gif to look...
You know what, diary? The nice thing about blogging being rule free and me typing all these entries up without editing them in the slightest is that I can humphrey mumph skittily scrump-a-dumph. Ashkata wikata sclerota simpaticata pflugelhorn. Interesting...
My workplace, which, through no fault of its own, is a corporate headquarters, is decorated with all manner of tasteful art. This is, by corporate lore, at the behest of the CEO/founder's wife, who carefully curated an interesting but-not-boundary-pushing...
My life is fairly simple. I wake up, put on clothes that would be suitable for church (adjusting the tie as necessary), drive while listening to a podcast that describes some comedian’s torturous rise to fame, sit at a desk and click a mouse button, eat...
Judging by the photo and the title, this is going to be a funny one. I should have known there was something lurking under the general joy when my sister showed up at the wedding and told me that mom had fallen out of bed the night before and had asked...
Liberal_chickens.m4a Edited to add: In the interest of morning-after fairness... Q: How many conservatives does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Conservatives don't screw white things. Q: Why did the conservative chicken cross the road? A: No real...
I still think of the Internet as a place. I guess the metaphors that became terminology in its early days are the main reason for that: site, visit, surf. We "go" online. When is the last time someone asked you if you wanted to "go" to TV. I do remember...
So I've been doing stand-up comedy for all of a month now, and somehow that qualifies me to dissect the practice like an expert. There's a moment in every set, no matter how much it bombs (and since my experience thusfar has been primarily bombing, let's...
