Found out I was the "loser" of a farting contest with my daughter. (My wife paused her suitcase packing just long...
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Risible. R-I-S-I-B-L-E. She said my efforts to seduce her were risible, so no, I'm not satisfied with this haircut,...
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How to Host a Murder games should have a label on the box that says, "WARNING: This totally counts as LARPing."...
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RT @Maggiemayehaha: I have a habit of taking my dog out in my bathrobe. I'm wasting my life by not being someone's...
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Draw a goth band greeting guests with a soufflé and caption it "Ministry loves company." #ChChing Chris Magyar...
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Ellen Page is going have huge comeback in 2062 as that tiny creepy old woman in horror movies. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar)...
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"Yo. Kick it." -Vanilla Ice, age 7, playing kick the can. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 26, 2013
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RT @curlycomedy: Dove asked these real women to try this new deodorant for breakfast for one week. Let's take a...
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I'm about to watch this. Anyone with a Netflix account and beer and a love for all that is holy should join me,...
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Guys, for only 99 cents a month, I can write your entire three-minute set. Guaranteed to be sayable at open mics...
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