Kissypoo? Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 23, 2013
Policeman under my car. "What are you doing officer?" He slides out and wipes the grease off his hands. We have sex. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 06, 2013
Self-esteem is the psychosis that you matter and deserve things. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 06, 2013
Who would win in a fight: rad or awesome? Show your work on graph paper with pencil sketches of weaponry and decapitations. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 06, 2013
I don't believe in ghosts will that make them go away? Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 05, 2013
"Hole in the O-Zone Layer" is a headline for some bullshit ESPN hasn't gotten around to writing yet. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 03, 2013
"You gonna eat that?" "Nah, probably just gonna fuck it." Dad humor gets raw. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 03, 2013
Had a sex dream with Oprah then woke up and jotted a reminder note that just said "personal growth." Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 03, 2013
People of all races holding hands and singing "Enter Sandman." Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 04, 2013
Gall bladder. Aghast colon. Shrug intestine. Mope liver. Smirk sphincter. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 02, 2013
*punches me in the neck* OW MY BRACHIAL TUBE *punches me in the glasses* Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 02, 2013
Huggies, they're called, and they wrap around baby crotches. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 02, 2013
Albania the Homely. God Pity Albania. The Star-Mangled Banner. I'm Resigned to Be an Albanian (Where At Least I Know I'm Not North Korean). Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 02, 2013
Fat man's jean shorts looking like thong longs. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 02, 2013
I wonder if I can get a SXSW panel about the degamification of everything. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 01, 2013
Sometimes you just gotta grab death by the throat and shake it and squeeze and bang its head against a wall and blood and bone chips Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 01, 2013
I have no clue how big a bread basket is. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 01, 2013
This celebrities agreeing to go to prom thing is getting creepy. Chaperone or half-plus-seven, please. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 20, 2013
Blond white guy with a spray-on tan = cheese cracker. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 20, 2013
Milton Bradley kept the hippos in a small cage, withholding food for weeks before release, just to get to that second level of hunger. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 20, 2013
You are not a walrus. And you, you are not the egg man. You boys get down from that stage right now and call your mothers. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 19, 2013
"He who smelt it, dealt it." -old Norse account of a poker tournament with homemade pig iron cards. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 18, 2013
Hey, have you tried that new restaurant? I only ask because I need you to make a wee noise before I can tell you I did and describe my meal. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 17, 2013
Guru: Have you eaten everything yet? Me: Huh? Guru: Come back when you've eaten everything. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 17, 2013
"There is no honor among thieves. Honor is always amidst thieves." -Fowlers Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 17, 2013
