Remember that episode of "This Old House" when they pulled up the wainscoting and found dry rot? Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 04, 2013
I think we all just need to take a deep breath every second or two or we'll die. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 03, 2013
I'm so vain I bet I think this song is about me. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 03, 2013
I lead a purpose-driven life. (Meta-lie! Cuz it's tweeted! GET IT??????????????????????????) Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 03, 2013
McDonald's invented a spokesperson named Grimace and none of us took that as a warning. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 03, 2013
RT @alisonforns: Ever love someone so much you would do almost anything for them? Oh my god we are all so vulnerable. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 03, 2013
BEHOLD!!! @.@ Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 02, 2013
Currently eating my weight in loneliness. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 03, 2013
Playing phone solitaire in the corner of the bar just cured my social anxiety. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 03, 2013
The Big Bad Wolf huffed and puffed and blew the third little pig. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 03, 2013
howcome men dont get to be called curvy Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 02, 2013
Shaggy said 'zoinks' because he was a heathen don't be like Shaggy kids. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 02, 2013
My nickname is Don't Encourage Him. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 02, 2013
Frosted Flakes aren't good, they're GRRRRRRROSS! Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 02, 2013
The superstition about telling people your birthday candle wishes should also apply to prayers. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 02, 2013
I am inexplicably offended by that Oz movie. Mila Kunis looked painfully uncomfortable. James Franco didn't even try to create a character. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) June 28, 2013
Every backpack has a snapped pencil in the bottom of it. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) June 27, 2013
Kickstarter was funded by venture capital. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) June 27, 2013
RT @BKogrady: There's no more meaningless phrase in the world than the part of a fine arts diploma that reads "with all pertaining rights a… Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) June 27, 2013
RT @ChrisCubas: My new favorite thing is yelling "STRANGER DANGER!" when white people ask to touch my hair. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) June 27, 2013
The "it's always five o'clock somewhere" guy realizes slowly that it's also always 8 a.m. somewhere. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 06, 2013
"Fuck the patriarchy!" -gays Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 05, 2013
If you told me 5 years ago I'd spend a holiday hosing off a naked toddler in the backyard I'd say "don't tweet that nobody wants to hear it" Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 04, 2013
Because I'm contractually obligated to be at comedy shows hosted at wine bars, you can find me here tonight. It's free and we're not supposed to say naughty words, so bring your kids / uptight parents.
Pandora's Thermos Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) June 24, 2013
