I fought the law and the law won because the law is just a concept and I'm punching wheelie uppercuts at the air. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) June 23, 2013
Instagram is the channel that shows reruns of Facebook. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) June 23, 2013
"You're a green one / Mr. Grinch" - Autistic Dr. Seuss Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 03, 2013
Cosby, Stiles, Dratch & Youngman Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 03, 2013
here have a drink so tell me what does your father think about us ***F-F-F-F-FART! Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 02, 2013
cute dog pictures are more annoying than cute baby pictures because looking at cute babies doesnt make me hungry Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 02, 2013
Fell asleep during a History Channel show about a war between North and South. Who won? Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 02, 2013
I think I could be professionally gassy. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 02, 2013
RT @kathbarbadoro: The scariest horror movie I've ever seen is the 20 minute movie I accidentally made in photobooth of myself browsing the… Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 02, 2013
A runners runs. A grocer groces. A blusterer blusts in two dimensions. A nonsmoker nonsmokes. A subsister is the sister inside your sister. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 01, 2013
My little girl is growing up so fast oh Jesus she just ate the neighbor's truck. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) June 06, 2013
RT @enagurney: Maybe mimes are great and we're just jealous. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) June 06, 2013
Janitor flips off the cafeteria lady. Nobody knows what happened between them, but we were all served big helpings of asparagus for a week. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 06, 2013
Damn, at this rate, I won't have ANY spam followers left. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) June 06, 2013
To seat neighbor: "We're all gonna die on this plane." 8 minutes later: "Of existence." One hour later: slap my biz card on his tray table. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 06, 2013
Learn to Speak Texan: "Howdy, pardner" is short for "how do you do, heterosexual life partner?" Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) June 17, 2013
Twitter and Facebook are totally on top of making jokes based on today's date. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 05, 2013
All these websites say "we think you might like" this and that, in case I need to remember what having a girlfriend is like. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) June 05, 2013
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glass. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) June 06, 2013
It's 2013. I think we all know that schoolgirls don't wear plaid miniskirts. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) June 04, 2013
New résumé bullet point: Incentivized H-E-B to create a formal policy against sleeping in the dog food aisle. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) June 16, 2013
In light of recent unpleasantness, I've decided to be vague about the recent unpleasantness. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) June 03, 2013
Waiting for the day when Gwen Stefani is once again just a girl in the world. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) June 24, 2013
Oscar the Grouch. Snuffleupagus the Lovelorn. Kermit the Dyslexic. Elmo the Incorrigible. Gonzo the Dense. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 02, 2013
Don't nickname it the Grab Bag. Don't nickname it the Sand Trap. Don't nickname it The Tendon. Don't nickname it the Egg Chute. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 02, 2013
