"Good golly, Mrs. Molly!" -Parallel universe in which Little Richard is straight and marries Miss Molly and regrets it. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 26, 2013
Whitney Houston's "Saving All My Love For You" was most subtle backhanded slap at an ex-boyfriend ever. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 26, 2013
Like, grody to the min. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 26, 2013
Sometimes you just gotta grab life by the throat and erotically asphyxiate it. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 26, 2013
Q is for Doctor Tran. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 26, 2013
Urban myth debunked: It's perfectly legal to yell "fire" in a crowded theater. You just have to set it on fire first. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 26, 2013
Everybody should have a jurisdiction you can drive out of. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 25, 2013
How to Host a Murder games should have a label on the box that says, "WARNING: This totally counts as LARPing." Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 27, 2013
"Get a load of THIS!" - load salesman Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 25, 2013
John Cusack doesn't do sequels. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 25, 2013
Groove is in the heart. Boogie's in the butt. Macarena is in the yearbook. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 25, 2013
RT @Maggiemayehaha: I have a habit of taking my dog out in my bathrobe. I'm wasting my life by not being someone's embarassing mom Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 27, 2013
Electric motorcycle = truck nutz on a Prius. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 20, 2013
If I had a monkey, I'd teach it to eek eek in a British accent. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 23, 2013
I don't like the term 'cancer'. Too negative. I prefer 'growth experience'. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 22, 2013
Rubber duckie, you're the one. You make bath time lots of fun. Rubber duckie, I'm playing this boom box in the rain for you. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 19, 2013
You can't call in sick if you work at a suicide hotline. "I don't feel so good" turns into a hour-long conversation. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 22, 2013
Everybody making weary lists of shit that was bad about this week and not one mention of my kid's fever. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 21, 2013
"I love you, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." -Bartender Dad Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 21, 2013
Wow, babies really hate it when your teardrops hit their face. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 18, 2013
OMG Tim Tebow's gonna be a New Blumpitty Blippitty. Will this make blippitty more blumpitty? What does blarp think of blurping in the blap? Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) June 11, 2013
Q: What's grosser than gross? A: The wormhole in my small intestine that diverts 20% of my digested waste to a 19th century London sidewalk. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) May 17, 2013
Going back to archives of post-Oklahoma City bombing news to see how a sane country would have talked about this and dealt with it. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 19, 2013
Get thee behind me, Satan! Now be gentle! Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) June 11, 2013
Every tragedy is a geography lesson. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 19, 2013
