Love is... Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 28, 2013
I hunt spirit animals. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 28, 2013
Window decal of my Mumchevy & Sons peeing on your Mumford & Sons. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) March 25, 2013
Practice random acts of kidness. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 28, 2013
Teaching my daughter alphabet sounds while typing a description of a database connection issue and reading twitter but men can't multitask. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 29, 2013
I have a graduate degree. I got it just so I could tweet that any time I've spent an afternoon cleaning toilets. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 29, 2013
Oh say no I wasn't looking up at the time the flag looked pretty sweet huh. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 27, 2013
This ancient manuscript contains the secrets of the Cult of Bordamoch. Most of the secrets are Hitchcock movie spoilers. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 27, 2013
Do yourself a favor and get mad at yourself for not repaying it. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 27, 2013
Choosy moms choose JIF. Choosy moms nag Jeff. Choosy moms drink. Choosy moms call that old boyfriend. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 27, 2013
But most people only found out about B.I.G. after he became notorious. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 27, 2013
We all pitched in and got you this assortment of change. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 27, 2013
Farts must be noble gases because you can't use them to bond with anyone. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 27, 2013
Come on in, everybody, grope hug. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 27, 2013
I think people are afraid of me because I don't know how to remove blood stains. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 27, 2013
"I'm not doing this for you! I'm doing this for me!" Man, that's good. I should tweet that. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 26, 2013
PRO TIP: "I don't know, maybe we shouldn't be having sex right now" is a total turn-off phrase for most women. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 26, 2013
Want to have some fun? Follow somebody on Twitter, is my advice to you. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 26, 2013
I made a bong out of a humidfier! I picked a very stupid place to hide my weed! I think my child is going to experience some nightmares now! Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 25, 2013
We're a dozen years into the twenty-first century. So many '80s sci-fi movies are wrong now. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 23, 2013
"Who wants meatballs?" -mad scientist grafting meat onto human bodies. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 22, 2013
Meet my daughters Alba and Hathaway THEY'RE NOT PRETTY YET BUT THEY WILL BE Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 19, 2013
First Rox vs. Douchebacks game of 2013 tonight. Need a bar with an absurdly extensive cable package and free beer. Any tips? Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 19, 2013
I suppose painting myself neon yellow has been the highlight of my life. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 21, 2013
ATTENTION: If you live in the Central Texas area and have a room or a bed, please consider filling out this form for the evacuees of West, Texas. A fertilizer plant exploded and hundreds of homes are gone. The entire town of nearly 3,000 souls, displaced....
