missed connection: me wearing a red sweater and holding a cup of Starbucks coffee and a small black travel bag, you a flying-away airplane. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 18, 2013
That week in high school when you and all your friends discovered how to use "meta" in a sentence. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 19, 2013
Staying in this rabbit hole: The team name is aggressively Civil War themed ... for the North? It's like a Bizarro world mascot. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 18, 2013
They should change the name of every daily newspaper to The In Case You Hadn't Heard. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 16, 2013
"I owe you all an apology" is the rhetorical equivalent of "borrowing" money from your dad. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 17, 2013
When I eat McDonald's, I sweat McDonald's. When I eat asparagus, I pee asparagus. When I eat tapioca pudding, my wife gets pregnant. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 17, 2013
I got a mansion in Florida, a house in Malibu, a chalet in Switzerland, an igloo in Nanchatka, and a Tuff Shed in Pflugerville. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 14, 2013
I wish 'hoax' meant something more awesome, like a delicious reptile from the Siamese peninsula, or a high-scoring move in checkers. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 15, 2013
Girl are you available because I'd like to date you. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 12, 2013
Word up. Hey man, word up. Word up, officer. Word. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 11, 2013
"What you need is some hair of the dog that bit you" is what I tell dog bite victims. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 11, 2013
If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain how come I've never seen you in Girls Gone Wild? Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 11, 2013
Started growing my daughter's prom mum now. It lives in the basement and feeds on flesh and sings. IT'S GOING TO BE AWESOME. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 13, 2013
Did the Brady Bunch kids ever express a lick of sadness about their dead parents or were they just jolly monsters the entire run of the show Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 12, 2013
You're following the 1987 Cul-de-sac Ghosts in the Graveyard Champion. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 10, 2013
Ever think you're going to burp and you accidentally racist instead? Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 10, 2013
The first rule of Fight Club is make sure you mention you read the book. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 10, 2013
Sarah McLachlan songs are my spirit animal. RIP, spirit animal. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 10, 2013
Out: zombies, unicorns, marshmallow peeps. In: burlap, pestilence, gruel. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 10, 2013
Blessed are they who sit in the front row, for they shall inherit the unnecessary questions. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 10, 2013
In conclusion, I'm calling in sick to work. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 09, 2013
r.o.b.o.t. w.i.l.l. n.o.t. a.r.g.u.e. w.i.t.h. y.o.u. :: r.o.b.o.t. i.s. s.o.r.r.y :: r.o.b.o.t. w.i.l.l. c.l.e.a.n. u.p. f.l.u.f.f.y. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 09, 2013
Turns out "we're all lovers here" is not an acceptable intensifier for "we're all friends here." Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 09, 2013
I just realized the elementary school gym teacher who made us do jumping jills was a feminist. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 09, 2013
I'm the sister who wears socks with loose elastic and checks out six library books at a time. You're the sister who has a tight pony tail. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) April 09, 2013
